Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 279

Edited by Dan Leo, Professor of 18th Century British Mortuary Practices, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of the Missing Headstone, the Olney Community College Press.
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Johnson's affection for his departed relations seemed to grow warmer as he approached nearer to the time when he might hope to see them again. It probably appeared to him that he should upbraid himself with unkind inattention, were he to leave the world without having paid a tribute of respect to their memory. 'To MR. GREEN, APOTHECARY, AT LICHFIELD. 'DEAR SIR, 'I have enclosed the Epitaph for my Father, Mother, and Brother, to be all engraved on the large size, and laid in the middle aisle in St. Michael's church, which I request the clergyman and churchwardens to permit. 'The first care must be to find the exact place of interment, that the stone may protect the bodies. Then let the stone be deep, massy, and hard; and do not let the difference of ten pounds, or more, defeat our purpose. 'I have enclosed ten pounds, and Mrs. Porter will pay you ten more, which I gave her for the same purpose. What more is wanted shall be sent; and I beg that all possible haste may be made, for I wish to have it done while I am yet alive. Let me know, dear Sir, that you receive this. 'I am, Sir, 'Your most humble servant, 'SAM. JOHNSON.' 'Dec. 2, 1784.' 'To MRS. LUCY PORTER, IN LICHFIELD. 'DEAR MADAM, 'I am very ill, and desire your prayers. I have sent Mr. Green the Epitaph, and a power to call on you for ten pounds. 'I laid this summer a stone over Tetty, in the chapel of Bromley, in Kent. The inscription is in Latin, of which this is the English. [Here a translation.] 'That this is done, I thought it fit that you should know. What care will be taken of us, who can tell? May GOD pardon and bless us, for JESUS CHRIST'S sake. 'I am, &c.  'SAM. JOHNSON,'  'Dec. 2, 1784.' My readers are now, at last, to behold SAMUEL JOHNSON preparing himself for that doom, from which the most exalted powers afford no exemption to man. Death had always been to him an object of terrour; so that, though by no means happy, he still clung to life with an eagerness at which many have wondered. At any time when he was ill, he was very much pleased to be told that he looked better. An ingenious member of the Eumelian Club {founded in London in 1788, and meeting at the Blenheim Tavern; Boswell was a member – Editor}, informs me, that upon one occasion when he said to him that he saw health returning to his cheek, Johnson seized him by the hand and exclaimed, 'Sir, you are one of the kindest friends I ever had.' His own state of his views of futurity will appear truly rational; and may, perhaps, impress the unthinking with seriousness. 'You know, (says he,) I never thought confidence with respect to futurity, any part of the character of a brave, a wise, or a good man. Bravery has no place where it can avail nothing; wisdom impresses strongly the consciousness of those faults, of which it is, perhaps, itself an aggravation; and goodness, always wishing to be better, and imputing every deficience to criminal negligence, and every fault to voluntary corruption, never dares to suppose the condition of forgiveness fulfilled, nor what is wanting in the crime supplied by penitence. 'This is the state of the best; but what must be the condition of him whose heart will not suffer him to rank himself among the best, or among the good? Such must be his dread of the approaching trial, as will leave him little attention to the opinion of those whom he is leaving for ever; and the serenity that is not felt, it can be no virtue to feign.' His great fear of death, and the uneasiness which he expressed on account of offences with which he charged himself, may give occasion to injurious suspicions, as if there had been something of more than ordinary criminality weighing upon his conscience. On that account, therefore, as well as from the regard to truth which he inculcated, I am to mention, (with all possible respect and delicacy, however,) that his conduct, after he came to London, and had associated with Savage and others, was not so strictly virtuous, in one respect, as when he was a younger man. It was well known, that his amorous inclinations were uncommonly strong and impetuous. He owned to many of his friends, that he used to take women of the town to taverns, and hear them relate their history. In short, it must not be concealed, that, like many other good and pious men, among whom we may place the Apostle Paul upon his own authority, Johnson was not free from propensities which were ever 'warring against the law of his mind,'— and that in his combats with them, he was sometimes overcome. Here let the profane and licentious pause; let them not thoughtlessly say that Johnson was an hypocrite, or that his principles were not firm, because his practice was not uniformly conformable to what he professed. Let the question be considered independent of moral and religious association; and no man will deny that thousands, in many instances, act against conviction. Is a prodigal, for example, an hypocrite, when he owns he is satisfied that his extravagance will bring him to ruin and misery? We are sure he believes it; but immediate inclination, strengthened by indulgence, prevails over that belief in influencing his conduct. Why then shall credit be refused to the sincerity of those who acknowledge their persuasion of moral and religious duty, yet sometimes fail of living as it requires? I heard Dr. Johnson once observe, 'There is something noble in publishing truth, though it condemns one's self.' And one who said in his presence, 'he had no notion of people being in earnest in their good professions, whose practice was not suitable to them,' was thus reprimanded by him:—'Sir, are you so grossly ignorant of human nature as not to know that a man may be very sincere in good principles, without having good practice?' But let no man encourage or soothe himself in presumptuous sin, from knowing that Johnson was sometimes hurried into indulgences which he thought criminal. I have exhibited this circumstance as a shade in so great a character, both from my sacred love of truth, and to shew that he was not so weakly scrupulous as he has been represented by those who imagine that the sins, of which a deep sense was upon his mind, were merely such little venial trifles as pouring milk into his tea on Good-Friday His understanding will be defended by my statement, if his consistency of conduct be in some degree impaired. But what wise man would, for momentary gratifications, deliberately subject himself to suffer such uneasiness as we find was experienced by Johnson in reviewing his conduct as compared with his notion of the ethicks of the gospel? (classix comix™ is made possible in part through the generous assistance of the Bob’s Bowery Bar Foundation for Unremunerative Arts: “Yes, folks, this Wednesday night is the Annual Bob’s Bowery Bar Celebrity Checkers Tournament, broadcast live on the Dumont Television Network from the Prince Hal Room at the venerable Hotel St Crispian, and hosted by yours truly with the help of my co-hostess and ‘color commentator’ Miss Enid Bagnold. Dig the crazy sounds of Tony Winston & his Winstonians, with the lovely chanteuse Mlle. Shirley De LaSalle, and try to keep your eyes from popping at the amazing Betty Baxter Dancers! Celebrities on hand will include such luminaries as Alfred Lunt and Lynne Fontanne, Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, Senator Joe ‘Tailgunner Joe’ McCarthy, Zeppo Marx, Arnold Stang, the Lennon Sisters, and Edgar Bergen and his pal Charlie McCarthy (no relation to ‘Tailgunner Joe’)! As usual, all proceeds will be in aid of Brother Mike’s Soup Kitchen, right across the Bowery from Bob’s Bowery Bar, and serving what I can attest is the finest potato soup in the city – I practically lived on that stuff my first few years in the Big Apple!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s presentation: “Nobody Ever Said You Had to Be Happy”, by Hobart P. Schobart, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest star Nehemiah Persoff.)   part 280

Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 278

Edited by Dan Leo, Professor of 18th Century British Parodical Literature, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: Better to Be Imitated Than to Imitate, the Olney Community College Press.
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During his sleepless nights he amused himself by translating into Latin verse, from the Greek, many of the epigrams in the Anthologica {the Anthologia Graeca, or Greek Anthology, a collection of poems from the classical and Byzantine periods – Editor}. These translations, with some other poems by him in Latin, he gave to his friend Mr. Langton, who, having added a few notes, sold them to the booksellers for a small sum, to be given to some of Johnson's relations, which was accordingly done; and they are printed in the collection of his works. A very erroneous notion has circulated as to Johnson's deficiency in the knowledge of the Greek language, partly owing to the modesty with which, from knowing how much there was to be learnt, he used to mention his own comparative acquisitions. When Mr. Cumberland talked to him of the Greek fragments which are so well illustrated in The Observer, and of the Greek dramatists in general, he candidly acknowledged his insufficiency in that particular branch of Greek literature. Yet it may be said, that though not a great, he was a good Greek scholar. Dr. Charles Burney, the younger, who is universally acknowledged by the best judges to be one of the few men of this age who are very eminent for their skill in that noble language, has assured me, that Johnson could give a Greek word for almost every English one; and that although not sufficiently conversant in the niceties of the language, he upon some occasions discovered, even in these, a considerable degree of critical acumen. Mr. Dalzel, Professor of Greek at Edinburgh, whose skill in it is unquestionable, mentioned to me, in very liberal terms, the impression which was made upon him by Johnson, in a conversation which they had in London concerning that language. As Johnson, therefore, was undoubtedly one of the first Latin scholars in modern times, let us not deny to his fame some additional splendour from Greek.  I shall now fulfil my promise of exhibiting specimens of various sorts of imitation of Johnson's style. WILLIAM ROBERTSON, D.D. 'In other parts of the globe, man, in his rudest state, appears as lord of the creation, giving law to various tribes of animals which he has tamed and reduced to subjection. The Tartar follows his prey on the horse which he has reared, or tends his numerous herds, which furnish him both with food and clothing; the Arab has rendered the camel docile, and avails himself of its persevering strength; the Laplander has formed the rein-deer to be subservient to his will; and even the people of Kamschatka have trained their dogs to labour. This command over the inferiour creatures is one of the noblest prerogatives of man, and among the greatest efforts of his wisdom and power. Without this, his dominion is incomplete. He is a monarch who has no subjects; a master without servants; and must perform every operation by the strength of his own arm.' EDWARD GIBBON, Esq. 'Of all our passions and appetites, the love of power is of the most imperious and unsociable nature, since the pride of one man requires the submission of the multitude. In the tumult of civil discord the laws of society lose their force, and their place is seldom supplied by those of humanity. The ardour of contention, the pride of victory, the despair of success, the memory of past injuries, and the fear of future dangers, all contribute to inflame the mind, and to silence the voice of pity.' MISS BURNEY. 'My family, mistaking ambition for honour, and rank for dignity, have long planned a splendid connection for me, to which, though my invariable repugnance has stopped any advances, their wishes and their views immovably adhere. I am but too certain they will now listen to no other. I dread, therefore, to make a trial where I despair of success; I know not how to risk a prayer with those who may silence me by a command.' A distinguished authour in The Mirror, a periodical paper, published at Edinburgh, has imitated Johnson very closely. Thus, in No. 16,— 'The effects of the return of spring have been frequently remarked as well in relation to the human mind as to the animal and vegetable world. The reviving power of this season has been traced from the fields to the herds that inhabit them, and from the lower classes of beings up to man. Gladness and joy are described as prevailing through universal Nature, animating the low of the cattle, the carol of the birds, and the pipe of the shepherd.' The Reverend Dr. KNOX, master of Tunbridge school, appears to have Johnson's style perpetually in his mind; and to his assiduous, though not servile, study of it, we may partly ascribe the extensive popularity of his writings. In his Essays, Moral and Literary, No. 3, we find the following passage:— 'The polish of external grace may indeed be deferred till the approach of manhood. When solidity is obtained by pursuing the modes prescribed by our fore-fathers, then may the file be used. The firm substance will bear attrition, and the lustre then acquired will be durable.' But I think the most perfect imitation of Johnson is a professed one, entitled A Criticism on Gray's Elegy in a Country Church-Yard, said to be written by Mr. Young, Professor of Greek, at Glasgow. It has not only the peculiarities of Johnson's style, but that very species of literary discussion and illustration for which he was eminent. It is entitled A Continuation of Dr. J— n's Criticism on the Poems of Gray. The following is perhaps the best passage:— 'On some fine evening Gray had seen the moon shining on a tower such as is here described. An owl might be peeping out from the ivy with which it was clad. Of the observer the station might be such that the owl, now emerged from the mantling, presented itself to his eye in profile, skirting with the Moon's limb. All this is well. The perspective is striking; and the picture well defined. But the poet was not contented. He felt a desire to enlarge it; and in executing his purpose gave it accumulation without improvement. The idea of the Owl's complaining is an artificial one; and the views on which it proceeds absurd. Gray should have seen, that it but ill befitted the Bird of Wisdom to complain to the Moon of an intrusion which the Moon could no more help than herself.' Yet whatever merit there may be in any imitations of Johnson's style, every good judge must see that they are obviously different from the original; for all of them are either deficient in its force, or overloaded with its peculiarities; and the powerful sentiment to which it is suited is not to be found.   (classix comix™ is brought to you by “the old original” Bob’s Bowery Bar, conveniently located near several public-transportation stops at the northwest corner of Bleecker and the Bowery: “Ever get the hankering for just an old-fashioned fried baloney ‘n’ cheese sandwich? Well, I sure do! And I’m happy to announce that the new fall menu at Bob’s Bowery bar now includes the eponymous ‘Sternwall Baloney Spectacular’: half-a-dozen slices of kosher beef baloney fried in bacon grease, and topped with a generous mound of melted organic ‘American’ cheese ‘n’ bacon-fried onions, encased in a fresh-from-the-oven sourdough roll, with your choice of homemade mayo, spicy ‘granular’ brown mustard, or Bob’s fearsome Hellfire Sauce! Served with a side of hand-cut fries, and goes swell with a brimming imperial pint of Bob’s justly famed basement-brewed bock!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: “The Voices in My Head Told Me to Shut the H--- Up”, by Humbert P. Stumbert, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest stars The Ink Spots.)   part 279

Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 277

Edited by Dan Leo, Professor of Heathen Mythology, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of Good Intentions, the Olney Community College Press.
Artwork personally supervised by rhoda penmarq (layout, pencils, inks, Sharpies™ by eddie el greco ; lettering by roy dismas ); for penmarqopolis™ studios.

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Soon after Johnson's return to the metropolis, both the asthma and dropsy became more violent and distressful. He had for some time kept a journal in Latin of the state of his illness, and the remedies which he used, under the title of Aegri Ephemeris {The Patient’s Diary – Editor}, which he began on the 6th of July, but continued it no longer than the 8th of November; finding, I suppose, that it was a mournful and unavailing register. It is in my possession; and is written with great care and accuracy. Still his love of literature did not fail. It is truly wonderful to consider the extent and constancy of Johnson's literary ardour, notwithstanding the melancholy which clouded and embittered his existence. Besides the numerous and various works which he executed, he had, at different times, formed schemes of a great many more, of which the following catalogue was given by him to Mr. Langton, and by that gentleman presented to his Majesty: 'DIVINITY:  'A small book of precepts and directions for piety; the hint taken from the directions in Morton's exercise. 'PHILOSOPHY, HISTORY, and LITERATURE in general:  'History of Criticism, as it relates to judging of authours, from Aristotle to the present age. An account of the rise and improvements of that art; of the different opinions of authours, ancient and modern. 'Translation of the History of Herodian. 'New edition of Fairfax's Translation of Tasso, with notes, glossary, &c. 'Chaucer, a new edition of him, from manuscripts and old editions, with various readings, conjectures, remarks on his language, and the changes it had undergone from the earliest times to his age, and from his to the present: with notes explanatory of customs, &c., and references to Boccace, and other authours from whom he has borrowed, with an account of the liberties he has taken in telling the stories; his life, and an exact etymological glossary. 'Aristotle's Rhetorick, a translation of it into English. 'A Collection of Letters, translated from the modern writers, with some account of the several authours. 'Oldham's Poems, with notes, historical and critical. 'Roscommon's Poems, with notes. 'Lives of the Philosophers, written with a polite air, in such a manner as may divert as well as instruct.  'History of the Heathen Mythology, with an explication of the fables, both allegorical and historical; with references to the poets.  'History of the State of Venice, in a compendious manner.  'Aristotle's Ethicks, an English translation of them, with notes.  'Geographical Dictionary, from the French.  'Hierocles upon Pythagoras, translated into English, perhaps with notes.   'A book of Letters, upon all kinds of subjects.  'Claudian, a new edition of his works, cum notis variorum, in the manner of Burman.  'Tully's Tusculan Questions, a translation of them. 'Tully's De Natura Deorum, a translation of those books. 'Benzo's New History of the New World, to be translated. 'Machiavel's History of Florence, to be translated. 'History of the Revival of Learning in Europe, containing an account of whatever contributed to the restoration of literature; such as controversies, printing, the destruction of the Greek empire, the encouragement of great men, with the lives of the most eminent patrons and most eminent early professors of all kinds of learning in different countries.  'A Body of Chronology, in verse, with historical notes. 'A Table of the Spectators, Tatlers, and Guardians, distinguished by figures into six degrees of value, with notes, giving the reasons of preference or degradation. 'A Collection of Letters from English authours, with a preface giving some account of the writers; with reasons for selection, and criticism upon styles; remarks on each letter, if needful. 'A Collection of Proverbs from various languages.  'A Dictionary to the Common Prayer, in imitation of Calmet's Dictionary of the Bible. 'A Collection of Stories and Examples, like those of Valerius Maximus. 'Collection of Travels, Voyages, Adventures, and Descriptions of Countries. 'Dictionary of Ancient History and Mythology. 'Treatise on the Study of Polite Literature, containing the history of learning, directions for editions, commentaries, &c. 'Maxims, Characters, and Sentiments, after the manner of Bruyère, collected out of ancient authours, particularly the Greek, with Apophthegms.  'Classical Miscellanies, Select Translations from ancient Greek and Latin authours. 'Lives of Illustrious Persons, as well of the active as the learned, in imitation of Plutarch. 'Judgement of the learned upon English authours. 'Poetical Dictionary of the English tongue. 'Considerations upon the present state of London. 'Collection of Epigrams, with notes and observations. 'Observations on the English language, relating to words, phrases, and modes of Speech. 'Minutiae Literariae, Miscellaneous reflections, criticisms, emendations, notes. 'History of the Constitution. 'Comparison of Philosophical and Christian Morality, by sentences collected from the moralists and fathers. 'Plutarch's Lives, in English, with notes. 'POETRY and works of IMAGINATION: 'Hymn to Ignorance. 'The Palace of Sloth,— a vision. 'Coluthus, to be translated. 'Prejudice,— a poetical essay. 'The Palace of Nonsense,— a vision.'   (classix comix™ is made possible in part through the beneficence of the Bob’s Bowery Bar Fund for the Unremunerative Arts: “I should like to invite everyone in our studio and at-home audience to join me every Tuesday night at the ‘original old’ Bob’s Bowery Bar at the northeast corner of Bleecker and the Bowery for ‘Shuffleboard with the Stars’ hosted by yours truly and broadcast live on the Dumont Radio Network, with ‘color commentary' by my good friend, the noted poet Seamas McSeamas. The festivities start at 9pm, and this week’s guests will include Buddy Hackett, Thelma Ritter, Barton MacLane, and Arnold Stang, as well as who knows who might stop in? Sorry, all betting is strictly prohibited!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s presentation: “I Said I Was Sorry, What More Do You Want”, by Herbie Pete Stumpelmeyer, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest star Joe E. Lewis.)   part 278