Dr. Johnson told us at tea, that when some of Dr. Dodd's pious friends were trying to console him by saying that he was going to leave 'a wretched world,' he had honesty enough not to join in the cant:
'No, no (said he,) it has been a very agreeable world to me.'
Johnson added, 'I respect Dodd for thus speaking the truth; for, to be sure, he had for several years enjoyed a life of great voluptuousness.'
He told us, that Dodd's city friends stood by him so, that a thousand pounds were ready to be given to the gaoler, if he would let him escape. He added, that he knew a friend of Dodd's, who walked about Newgate for some time on the evening before the day of his execution, with five hundred pounds in his pocket, ready to be paid to any of the turnkeys who could get him out: but it was too late; for he was watched with much circumspection. He said, Dodd's friends had an image of him made of wax, which was to have been left in his place; and he believed it was carried into the prison.
Johnson disapproved of Dr. Dodd's leaving the world persuaded that The Convict's Address to his unhappy Brethren was of his own writing.
'But, Sir, (said I,) you contributed to the deception; for when Mr. Seward expressed a doubt to you that it was not Dodd's own, because it had a great deal more force of mind in it than any thing known to be his, you answered,—"Why should you think so? Depend upon it, Sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully."'
JOHNSON. 'Sir, as Dodd got it from me to pass as his own, while that could do him any good, there was an implied promise that I should not own it. To own it, therefore, would have been telling a lie, with the addition of breach of promise, which was worse than simply telling a lie to make it be believed it was Dodd's.'
He said, 'Goldsmith was a plant that flowered late. There appeared nothing remarkable about him when he was young; though when he had got high in fame, one of his friends began to recollect something of his being distinguished at College. Goldsmith in the same manner recollected more of that friend's early years, as he grew a greater man.'
I mentioned that Lord Monboddo told me, he awaked every morning at four, and then for his health got up and walked in his room naked, with the window open, which he called taking an air bath; after which he went to bed again, and slept two hours more. Johnson, who was always ready to beat down any thing that seemed to be exhibited with disproportionate importance, thus observed:
'I suppose, Sir, there is no more in it than this, he awakes at four, and cannot sleep till he chills himself, and makes the warmth of the bed a grateful sensation.'
I talked of the difficulty of rising in the morning. Dr. Johnson told me, 'that the learned Mrs. Carter, at that period when she was eager in study, did not awake as early as she wished, and she therefore had a contrivance, that, at a certain hour, her chamber-light should burn a string to which a heavy weight was suspended, which then fell with a strong sudden noise: this roused her from sleep, and then she had no difficulty in getting up.' But I said that was my difficulty; and wished there could be some medicine invented which would make one rise without pain, which I never did, unless after lying in bed a very long time. Perhaps there may be something in the stores of Nature which could do this.
I have thought of a pulley to raise me gradually; but that would give me pain, as it would counteract my internal inclination. I would have something that can dissipate the vis inertiæ, and give elasticity to the muscles. We can heat the body, we can cool it; we can give it tension or relaxation; and surely it is possible to bring it into a state in which rising from bed will not be a pain.
Johnson observed, that 'a man should take a sufficient quantity of sleep, which Dr. Mead says is between seven and nine hours.'
I told him, that Dr. Cullen said to me, that a man should not take more sleep than he can take at once.
JOHNSON. 'This rule, Sir, cannot hold in all cases; for many people have their sleep broken by sickness; and surely, Cullen would not have a man to get up, after having slept but an hour. Such a regimen would soon end in a long sleep.'
Dr. Taylor remarked, I think very justly, that 'a man who does not feel an inclination to sleep at the ordinary time, instead of being stronger than other people, must not be well; for a man in health has all the natural inclinations to eat, drink, and sleep, in a strong degree.'
Johnson advised me to-night not to refine in the education of my children.
'Life (said he) will not bear refinement: you must do as other people do.'
As we drove back to Ashbourne, Dr. Johnson recommended to me, as he had often done, to drink water only:
'For (said he) you are then sure not to get drunk; whereas if you drink wine you are never sure.'
I said, drinking wine was a pleasure which I was unwilling to give up.
'Why, Sir, (said he,) there is no doubt that not to drink wine is a great deduction from life; but it may be necessary.'
He however owned, that in his opinion a free use of wine did not shorten life; and said, he would not give less for the life of a certain Scotch Lord (whom he named) celebrated for hard drinking, than for that of a sober man.
'But stay, (said he, with his usual intelligence, and accuracy of enquiry,) does it take much wine to make him drunk?'
I answered, 'a great deal either of wine or strong punch.'
—'Then (said he) that is the worse.'
I presume to illustrate my friend's observation thus:
'A fortress which soon surrenders has its walls less shattered than when a long and obstinate resistance is made.'
(classix comix™ is made possible in part through a continuing grant from the Bob’s Bowery Bar Fund for the Unmarketable Arts: “Who doesn’t enjoy the fine American tradition of ‘happy hour’, that precious oasis of time so beloved of the working man or woman toiling through yet another dreary day in office or factory? Well, you don’t even have to have a job to reap the benefits of Happy Hour at Bob’s Bowery Bar, where Bob will cash your unemployment check free of charge provided you purchase at least one drink, so why not do as I so often do and order a tall refreshing schooner of Bob’s famed basement-brewed bock, half-price between the hours of 4 and 7pm, Mondays through Fridays?”
– Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s Tales of the Tenements, broadcast live Mondays at 8pm (EST) exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: Daddy Didn’t Come Home Today by Hallie P. Schoonover, starring Hyacinth Wilde, Jack Carson, and “The Bleecker Street Scamps”, with special guest star Miss Kitty Carlisle as “The Lady from the Welfare Department”.)
part 157
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