Talking of conversation, he said, 'There must, in the first place, be knowledge, there must be materials; in the second place, there must be a command of words; in the third place, there must be imagination, to place things in such views as they are not commonly seen in; and in the fourth place, there must be presence of mind, and a resolution that is not to be overcome by failures: this last is an essential requisite; for want of it many people do not excel in conversation. Now I want it: I throw up the game upon losing a trick.'
I wondered to hear him talk thus of himself, and said, 'I don't know, Sir, how this may be; but I am sure you beat other people's cards out of their hands.'
I doubt whether he heard this remark. While he went on talking triumphantly, I was fixed in admiration, and said to Mrs. Thrale, 'O, for short-hand to take this down!'
'You'll carry it all in your head; (said she;) a long head is as good as short-hand.'
It has been observed and wondered at, that Mr. Charles Fox never talked with any freedom in the presence of Dr. Johnson, though it is well known, and I myself can witness, that his conversation is various, fluent, and exceedingly agreeable. Johnson's own experience, however, of that gentleman's reserve was a sufficient reason for his going on thus:
'Fox never talks in private company; not from any determination not to talk, but because he has not the first motion. A man who is used to the applause of the House of Commons, has no wish for that of a private company. A man accustomed to throw for a thousand pounds, if set down to throw for sixpence, would not be at the pains to count his dice. Burke's talk is the ebullition of his mind; he does not talk from a desire of distinction, but because his mind is full.'
He thus curiously characterised one of our old acquaintance:
'—— is a good man, Sir; but he is a vain man and a liar. He, however, only tells lies of vanity; of victories, for instance, in conversation, which never happened.'
This alluded to a story which I had repeated from that gentleman, to entertain Johnson with its wild bravado:
'This Johnson, Sir, (said he,) whom you are all afraid of will shrink, if you come close to him in argument and roar as loud as he. He once maintained the paradox, that there is no beauty but in utility. "Sir, (said I,) what say you to the peacock's tail, which is one of the most beautiful objects in nature, but would have as much utility if its feathers were all of one colour."
He felt what I thus produced, and had recourse to his usual expedient, ridicule; exclaiming, "A peacock has a tail, and a fox has a tail;" and then he burst out into a laugh. "Well, Sir, (said I, with a strong voice, looking him full in the face,) you have unkennelled your fox; pursue him if you dare." He had not a word to say, Sir.'
Johnson told me, that this was a fiction from beginning to end.
After musing for some time, he said, 'I wonder how I should have any enemies; for I do harm to nobody.'
BOSWELL. 'In the first place, Sir, you will be pleased to recollect, that you set out with attacking the Scotch; so you got a whole nation for your enemies.'
JOHNSON. 'Why, I own, that by my definition of oats {'A grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.' – Editor} I meant to vex them.'
BOSWELL. 'Pray, Sir, can you trace the cause of your antipathy to the Scotch.'
JOHNSON. 'I cannot, Sir.'
BOSWELL. 'Old Mr. Sheridan says, it was because they sold Charles the First.'
JOHNSON. 'Then, Sir, old Mr. Sheridan has found out a very good reason.'
Surely the most obstinate and sulky nationality, the most determined aversion to this great and good man, must be cured, when he is seen thus playing with one of his prejudices, of which he candidly admitted that he could not tell the reason. It was, however, probably owing to his having had in his view the worst part of the Scottish nation, the needy adventurers, many of whom he thought were advanced above their merits by means which he did not approve.
Had he in his early life been in Scotland, and seen the worthy, sensible, independent gentlemen, who live rationally and hospitably at home, he never could have entertained such unfavourable and unjust notions of his fellow-subjects. And accordingly we find, that when he did visit Scotland, in the latter period of his life, he was fully sensible of all that it deserved, as I have already pointed out, when speaking of his Journey to the Western Islands.
{Percival Stockdale, in his Memoirs, wrote that he heard a Scottish lady say to Johnson:'I can assure you that in Scotland we give oats to our horses as well as you do to yours in England.' Johnson replied: 'I am very glad, Madam, to find that you treat your horses as well as you treat yourselves.' – Editor}
(classix comix™ is underwritten in part through a continuing grant from the Bob’s Bowery Bar Foundation for Belletristic Endeavor: “Is the landlord of your tenement steadfastly refusing to turn on the heat until November first? Brr, I know mine is! So why not throw on your old army-surplus overcoat and make your way to Bob’s Bowery Bar – with its newly repaired steam heat radiators – and order up a warming pint of Bob’s famous ‘Tugboat Grog’: a proprietary blend of aged Royal Navy rum, cloves, jaggery, cinnamon, crystallized ginger and Bob’s Mom’s home-brewed hard cider, served piping hot in a pewter tankard – sorry, no more than four per customer!”
– Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s presentation: Threnody for a Good-Time Gal”, by Holly Pat Stumpfel, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with very special guest star Diana Dors as “Trixie”.)
part 232
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