Of Dr. Hurd, Bishop of Worcester, Johnson said to a friend, 'Hurd, Sir, is one of a set of men who account for every thing systematically; for instance, it has been a fashion to wear scarlet breeches; these men would tell you, that according to causes and effects, no other wear could at that time have been chosen.'
He, however, said of him at another time to the same gentleman, 'Hurd, Sir, is a man whose acquaintance is a valuable acquisition.'
That learned and ingenious Prelate it is well known published at one period of his life Moral and Political Dialogues, with a woefully whiggish cast. Afterwards, his Lordship having thought better, came to see his errour, and republished the work with a more constitutional spirit. Johnson, however, was unwilling to allow him full credit for his political conversion. I remember when his Lordship declined the honour of being Archbishop of Canterbury, Johnson said, 'I am glad he did not go to Lambeth {The archbishop's main residence is Lambeth Palace, in the London Borough of Lambeth. – Editor}; for, after all, I fear he is a Whig in his heart.'
Johnson's attention to precision and clearness in expression was very remarkable. He disapproved of parentheses; and I believe in all his voluminous writings, not half a dozen of them will be found. He never used the phrases the former and the latter, having observed, that they often occasioned obscurity; he therefore contrived to construct his sentences so as not to have occasion for them, and would even rather repeat the same words, in order to avoid them. Nothing is more common than to mistake surnames when we hear them carelessly uttered for the first time. To prevent this, he used not only to pronounce them slowly and distinctly, but to take the trouble of spelling them; a practice which I have often followed; and which I wish were general.
Such was the heat and irritability of his blood, that not only did he pare his nails to the quick; but scraped the joints of his fingers with a pen-knife, till they seemed quite red and raw.
The heterogeneous composition of human nature was remarkably exemplified in Johnson. His liberality in giving his money to persons in distress was extraordinary. Yet there lurked about him a propensity to paultry saving.
One day I owned to him that 'I was occasionally troubled with a fit of narrowness.'
'Why, Sir, (said he,) so am I. But I do not tell it.'
He has now and then borrowed a shilling of me; and when I asked for it again, seemed to be rather out of humour. A droll little circumstance once occurred: as if he meant to reprimand my minute exactness as a creditor, he thus addressed me;—
'Boswell, lend me sixpence — not to be repaid.'
This great man's attention to small things was very remarkable. As an instance of it, he one day said to me,
'Sir, when you get silver in change for a guinea, look carefully at it; you may find some curious piece of coin.'
'Sir, (said he,) two men of any other nation who are shewn into a room together, at a house where they are both visitors, will immediately find some conversation. But two Englishmen will probably go each to a different window, and remain in obstinate silence. Sir, we as yet do not enough understand the common rights of humanity.'
Johnson was at a certain period of his life a good deal with the Earl of Shelburne, now Marquis of Lansdown {Prime minister of Britain, 1782-83. – Editor} , as he doubtless could not but have a due value for that nobleman's activity of mind, and uncommon acquisitions of important knowledge, however much he might disapprove of other parts of his Lordship's character, which were widely different from his own.
Maurice Morgann, Esq., authour of the very ingenious Essay on the character of Falstaff, being a particular friend of his Lordship, had once an opportunity of entertaining Johnson for a day or two at Wickham, when its Lord was absent, and by him I have been favoured with two anecdotes.
One is not a little to the credit of Johnson's candour. Mr. Morgann and he had a dispute pretty late at night, in which Johnson would not give up, though he had the wrong side, and in short, both kept the field. Next morning, when they met in the breakfasting-room, Dr. Johnson accosted Mr. Morgann thus:—
'Sir, I have been thinking on our dispute last night— You were in the right.'
The other was as follows:—
Johnson, for sport perhaps, or from the spirit of contradiction, eagerly maintained that Derrick {Samuel Derrick (1724–1769), Irish author, known as a hack. – Editor} had merit as a writer. Mr. Morgann argued with him directly, in vain. At length he had recourse to this device.
'Pray, Sir, (said he,) whether do you reckon Derrick or Smart {Christopher Smart (1722 – 1771), English poet; died in debtor’s prison. – Editor} the best poet?'
Johnson at once felt himself roused; and answered, 'Sir, there is no settling the point of precedency between a louse and a flea.'
Once, when checking my boasting too frequently of myself in company, he said to me, 'Boswell, you often vaunt so much, as to provoke ridicule. You put me in mind of a man who was standing in the kitchen of an inn with his back to the fire, and thus accosted the person next him, "Do you know, Sir, who I am?"
"No, Sir, (said the other,) I have not that advantage."
"Sir, (said he,) I am the great TWALMLEY, who invented the New Floodgate Iron."'
(What the great TWALMLEY was so proud of having invented, was neither more nor less than a kind of box-iron for smoothing linen.)
He was pleased to say to me one morning when we were left alone in his study,
'Boswell, I think I am easier with you than with almost any body.'
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Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: “A Hobo’s Thanksgiving”, by Hank Pete Shuffington, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest star Red Skelton.)
part 236
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