Sunday, December 30, 2018

Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 241


Edited by Dan Leo, Assistant Professor of 18th Century British Intellectual Conversational Studies, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Condemned Man’s Conversion, the Olney Community College Press.

Art direction by rhoda penmarq (layout, pencils, inks, copperplate engravings by eddie el greco; lettering by roy dismas) for penmarqansass™ productions.

to begin at the beginning, click here

for previous chapter, click here






Talking of a man who was grown very fat, so as to be incommoded with corpulency; he said, 'He eats too much, Sir.' 

BOSWELL. 'I don't know, Sir; you will see one man fat who eats moderately, and another lean who eats a great deal.' 

JOHNSON. 'Nay, Sir, whatever may be the quantity that a man eats, it is plain that if he is too fat, he has eaten more than he should have done. One man may have a digestion that consumes food better than common; but it is certain that solidity is encreased by putting something to it.' 


BOSWELL. 'But may not solids swell and be distended?' 

JOHNSON. 'Yes, Sir, they may swell and be distended; but that is not fat.'

We talked of the accusation against a gentleman for supposed delinquencies in India. 

JOHNSON. 'What foundation there is for accusation I know not, but they will not get at him. Where bad actions are committed at so great a distance, a delinquent can obscure the evidence till the scent becomes cold; there is a cloud between, which cannot be penetrated: therefore all distant power is bad.


I am clear that the best plan for the government of India is a despotick governour; for if he be a good man, it is evidently the best government; and supposing him to be a bad man, it is better to have one plunderer than many. A governour whose power is checked, lets others plunder, that he himself may be allowed to plunder; but if despotick, he sees that the more he lets others plunder, the less there will be for himself, so he restrains them; and though he himself plunders, the country is a gainer, compared with being plundered by numbers.'


I mentioned the very liberal payment which had been received for reviewing; and, as evidence of this, that it had been proved in a trial, that Dr. Shebbeare had received six guineas a sheet for that kind of literary labour. {A review “sheet” was an octavo, meaning sixteen printed pages. – Editor}

JOHNSON, 'Sir, he might get six guineas for a particular sheet, but not communibus sheetibus. {Not for sheets on the average. – Editor}' 

BOSWELL. 'Pray, Sir, by a sheet of review is it meant that it shall be all of the writer's own composition? or are extracts, made from the book reviewed, deducted.' 


JOHNSON. 'No, Sir: it is a sheet, no matter of what.' 

BOSWELL. 'I think that it is not reasonable.' 

JOHNSON. 'Yes, Sir, it is. A man will more easily write a sheet all his own, than read an octavo volume to get extracts.' 

To one of Johnson's wonderful fertility of mind I believe writing was really easier than reading and extracting; but with ordinary men the case is very different. A great deal, indeed, will depend upon the care and judgement with which the extracts are made.


I can suppose the operation to be tedious and difficult: but in many instances we must observe crude morsels cut out of books as if at random; and when a large extract is made from one place, it surely may be done with very little trouble. One however, I must acknowledge, might be led, from the practice of reviewers, to suppose that they take a pleasure in original writing; for we often find, that instead of giving an accurate account of what has been done by the authour whose work they are reviewing, which is surely the proper business of a literary journal, they produce some plausible and ingenious conceits of their own, upon the topicks which have been discussed.


Upon being told that old Mr. Sheridan, indignant at the neglect of his oratorical plans, had threatened to go to America; 

JOHNSON. 'I hope he will go to America.' 

BOSWELL. 'The Americans don't want oratory.'

JOHNSON. 'But we can want Sheridan.'

On Monday, April 29, I found him at home in the forenoon, and Mr. Seward with him. Horace having been mentioned; 

BOSWELL. 'There is a great deal of thinking in his works. One finds there almost every thing but religion.' 


SEWARD. 'He speaks of his returning to it, in his Ode Parcus Deorum cultor et infrequens.' {“A sparing and infrequent worshipper of the gods” – Editor.} 

JOHNSON. 'Sir, he was not in earnest: this was merely poetical.' 

BOSWELL. 'There are, I am afraid, many people who have no religion at all.' 

SEWARD. 'And sensible people too.' 

JOHNSON. 'Why, Sir, not sensible in that respect. There must be either a natural or a moral stupidity, if one lives in a total neglect of so very important a concern.' 


SEWARD. 'I wonder that there should be people without religion.' 

JOHNSON. 'Sir, you need not wonder at this, when you consider how large a proportion of almost every man's life is passed without thinking of it. I myself was for some years totally regardless of religion. It had dropped out of my mind. It was at an early part of my life. Sickness brought it back, and I hope I have never lost it since.' 

BOSWELL. 'My dear Sir, what a man must you have been without religion! Why you must have gone on drinking, and swearing, and—' 


JOHNSON. (with a smile) 'I drank enough and swore enough, to be sure.' 

SEWARD. 'One should think that sickness and the view of death would make more men religious.' 

JOHNSON. 'Sir, they do not know how to go about it: they have not the first notion. A man who has never had religion before, no more grows religious when he is sick, than a man who has never learnt figures can count when he has need of calculation.'


I mentioned a worthy friend of ours whom we valued much, but observed that he was too ready to introduce religious discourse upon all occasions. 

JOHNSON. 'Why, yes, Sir, he will introduce religious discourse without seeing whether it will end in instruction and improvement, or produce some profane jest. He would introduce it in the company of Wilkes, and twenty more such.'

I mentioned Dr. Johnson's excellent distinction between liberty of conscience and liberty of teaching. 


JOHNSON. 'Consider, Sir; if you have children whom you wish to educate in the principles of the Church of England, and there comes a Quaker who tries to pervert them to his principles, you would drive away the Quaker. You would not trust to the predomination of right, which you believe is in your opinions; you would keep wrong out of their heads. Now the vulgar are the children of the State. If any one attempts to teach them doctrines contrary to what the State approves, the magistrate may and ought to restrain him.' 


SEWARD. 'Would you restrain private conversation, Sir?' 

JOHNSON. 'Why, Sir, it is difficult to say where private conversation begins, and where it ends. If we three should discuss even the great question concerning the existence of a Supreme Being by ourselves, we should not be restrained; for that would be to put an end to all improvement. But if we should discuss it in the presence of ten boarding-school girls, and as many boys, I think the magistrate would do well to put us in the stocks, to finish the debate there.'


Lord Hailes had sent him a present of a curious little printed poem, on repairing the University of Aberdeen, by David Malloch. This piece was, I suppose, one of Mallet's first essays. It is preserved in his works, with several variations. Johnson having read aloud, from the beginning of it, where there were some common-place assertions as to the superiority of ancient times;—

'How false (said he) is all this, to say that in ancient times learning was not a disgrace to a Peer as it is now. In ancient times a Peer was as ignorant as any one else. He would have been angry to have it thought he could write his name.


Men in ancient times dared to stand forth with a degree of ignorance with which nobody would dare now to stand forth. I am always angry when I hear ancient times praised at the expence of modern times. There is now a great deal more learning in the world than there was formerly; for it is universally diffused. You have, perhaps, no man who knows as much Greek and Latin as Bentley; no man who knows as much mathematicks as Newton: but you have many more men who know Greek and Latin, and who know mathematicks.'


(classix comix™ is solely sponsored by Bob’s Bowery Bar, open as usual from 7am to 4am New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day: “Looking for a reasonable night out this New Year’s Eve? Well, take Horace’s advice and eschew the tourist-trap clip joints and join me at Bob’s Bowery Bar, where a good time can be had without costing you a week’s pay at the factory! Bring a date if you can find one, and try the New Year’s Eve Blue Plate Special: a great steaming platter piled high with Bob’s Mom’s Fatback ‘n’ Beans ‘n’ Rice with your choice of four sides including steamed Chinese broccoli, sautéed field peas, succotash soufflé, vegan coleslaw, extra-spicy kimchee, hot cross buns, Uneeda biscuits, and deep-fried dough balls. Includes complimentary glass of New York State ‘champagne’.

Entertainment provided by Tony Winston & his Winstonians featuring special guest chanteuse Shirley De LaSalle, and many other surprise guests from Broadway to Bleecker Street, with yours truly as master of ceremonies!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s presentation: “A Flophouse Is Not a Home”, by Hubert P. Strumply, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, and featuring special guest star Hugo Haas as “Professor Schnitzelkopf”.) 



part 242



No comments:

Post a Comment