Next morning at breakfast, Mrs. Kennicot spoke of her brother, the Reverend Mr. Chamberlayne, who had given up great prospects in the Church of England on his conversion to the Roman Catholick faith. Johnson, who warmly admired every man who acted from a conscientious regard to principle, erroneous or not, exclaimed fervently,
'GOD bless him.'
Mrs. Kennicot, in confirmation of Dr. Johnson's opinion, that the present was not worse than former ages, mentioned that her brother assured her, there was now less infidelity on the Continent than there had been; Voltaire and Rousseau were less read. I asserted, from good authority, that Hume's infidelity was certainly less read.
JOHNSON. 'All infidel writers drop into oblivion, when personal connections and the floridness of novelty are gone; though now and then a foolish fellow, who thinks he can be witty upon them, may bring them again into notice. There will sometimes start up a College joker, who does not consider that what is a joke in a College will not do in the world.'
On the Roman Catholick religion he said, 'If you join the Papists externally, they will not interrogate you strictly as to your belief in their tenets. No reasoning Papist believes every article of their faith. There is one side on which a good man might be persuaded to embrace it.
A good man of a timorous disposition, in great doubt of his acceptance with GOD, and pretty credulous, might be glad to be of a church where there are so many helps to get to Heaven. I would be a Papist if I could. I have fear enough; but an obstinate rationality prevents me. I shall never be a Papist, unless on the near approach of death, of which I have a very great terrour. I wonder that women are not all Papists.'
BOSWELL. 'They are not more afraid of death than men are.'
JOHNSON. 'Because they are less wicked.'
DR. ADAMS. 'They are more pious.'
JOHNSON. 'No, hang 'em, they are not more pious. A wicked fellow is the most pious when he takes to it. He'll beat you all at piety.'
He argued in defence of some of the peculiar tenets of the Church of Rome. He admitted the influence of evil spirits upon our minds, and said, 'Nobody who believes the New Testament can deny it.'
I brought a volume of Dr. Hurd the Bishop of Worcester's Sermons, and read to the company some passages from one of them, upon this text, 'Resist the Devil, and he will fly from you.' James, iv. 7. I was happy to produce so judicious and elegant a supporter of a doctrine, which, I know not why, should, in this world of imperfect knowledge, and, therefore, of wonder and mystery in a thousand instances, be contested by some with an unthinking assurance and flippancy.
After dinner, when one of us talked of there being a great enmity between Whig and Tory;—
JOHNSON. 'Why not so much, I think, unless when they come into competition with each other. There is none when they are only common acquaintance, none when they are of different sexes. A Tory will marry into a Whig family, and a Whig into a Tory family, without any reluctance. But indeed, in a matter of much more concern than political tenets, and that is religion, men and women do not concern themselves much about difference of opinion; and ladies set no value on the moral character of men who pay their addresses to them; the greatest profligate will be as well received as the man of the greatest virtue, and this by a very good woman, by a woman who says her prayers three times a day.'
Our ladies endeavoured to defend their sex from this charge; but he roared them down!
'No, no, a lady will take Jonathan Wild {an infamous criminal of the early 18th century, hanged in 1725 – Editor} as readily as St. Austin, if he has three-pence more; and, what is worse, her parents will give her to him. Women have a perpetual envy of our vices; they are less vicious than we, not from choice, but because we restrict them; they are the slaves of order and fashion; their virtue is of more consequence to us than our own, so far as concerns this world.'
Miss Adams mentioned a gentleman of licentious character, and said, 'Suppose I had a mind to marry that gentleman, would my parents consent?'
JOHNSON. 'Yes, they'd consent, and you'd go. You'd go though they did not consent.'
MISS ADAMS. 'Perhaps their opposing might make me go.'
JOHNSON. 'O, very well; you'd take one whom you think a bad man, to have the pleasure of vexing your parents. You put me in mind of Dr. Barrowby, the physician, who was very fond of swine's flesh. One day, when he was eating it, he said, 'I wish I was a Jew.'
'Why so? (said somebody); the Jews are not allowed to eat your favourite meat.' 'Because, (said he,) I should then have the gust of eating it, with the pleasure of sinning.'
Johnson then proceeded in his declamation.
Miss Adams soon afterwards made an observation that I do not recollect, which pleased him much: he said with a good-humoured smile, 'That there should be so much excellence united with so much depravity, is strange.'
Indeed, this lady's good qualities, merit, and accomplishments, and her constant attention to Dr. Johnson, were not lost upon him.
She happened to tell him that a little coffee-pot, in which she had made his coffee, was the only thing she could call her own. He turned to her with a complacent gallantry, 'Don't say so, my dear; I hope you don't reckon my heart as nothing.'
(classix comix™ is brought to you by Bob’s Bowery Bar, conveniently located at the northwest corner of Bleecker and the Bowery: “I should like to apprise our local audience-members – as well as visitors to this fair metropolis – that my favorite ‘stop’ Bob’s Bowery Bar is open as usual all day Easter Sunday. If you have no family in the area, or if you have been disinherited and barred from entrance to the familial manse, come on down and enjoy Bob’s Mom’s Easter Blue Plate Special: slow-simmered country ham ‘n’ beans, served with fresh-from-the-oven hot cross buns. For members of ‘the Tribe’, we’ve got you covered, with Bob’s Mom’s gefilte fish ‘n’ matzoh ball soup. Can’t decide what denomination you are? Well, be like me and go for the Gefilte Fish ‘n’ Matzoh Ball Soup followed up by a great bowl of the ham ‘n’ beans!”
– Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: “Abie’s Irish Seder”, by Herman P. Schuman, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest star Pat O’Brien as “Rabbi Murphy”.)
part 257
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