Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 188

Edited by Dan Leo, LL.D., Associate Professor of Basic Remedial Writing Skills for Native English Speakers, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of the Saucy Serveuse, the Olney Community College Press.

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Next day, Thursday, April 30, I found him at home by himself.  JOHNSON. 'Well, Sir, Ramsay gave us a splendid dinner. I love Ramsay. You will not find a man in whose conversation there is more instruction, more information, and more elegance, than in Ramsay's.'  BOSWELL. 'What I admire in Ramsay, is his continuing to be so young.'  JOHNSON. 'Why , yes, Sir, it is to be admired. I value myself upon this, that there is nothing of the old man in my conversation. I am now sixty-eight, and I have no more of it than at twenty-eight.'  BOSWELL. 'But, Sir, would not you wish to know old age? He who is never an old man, does not know the whole of human life; for old age is one of the divisions of it.'  JOHNSON. 'Nay, Sir, what talk is this?'  BOSWELL. 'I mean, Sir, the Sphinx's description of it; — morning, noon, and night. I would know night, as well as morning and noon.'  JOHNSON. 'What, Sir, would you know what it is to feel the evils of old age? Would you have the gout? Would you have decrepitude?' — Seeing him heated, I would not argue any farther; but I was confident that I was in the right. I would, in due time, be a Nestor, an elder of the people; and there should be some difference between the conversation of twenty-eight and sixty-eight. A grave picture should not be gay. There is a serene, solemn, placid old age.  JOHNSON. 'Mrs. Thrale's mother said of me what flattered me much. A clergyman was complaining of want of society in the country where he lived; and said, "They talk of runts;" (that is, young cows). "Sir, (said Mrs. Salusbury,) Mr. Johnson would learn to talk of runts:" meaning that I was a man who would make the most of my situation, whatever it was.' He added, 'I think myself a very polite man.' On Saturday, May 2, I dined with him at Sir Joshua Reynolds's, where there was a very large company, and a great deal of conversation; but owing to some circumstance which I cannot now recollect, I have no record of any part of it, except that there were several people there by no means of the Johnsonian school; so that less attention was paid to him than usual, which put him out of humour; and upon some imaginary offence from me, he attacked me with such rudeness, that I was vexed and angry, because it gave those persons an opportunity of enlarging upon his supposed ferocity, and ill treatment of his best friends. I was so much hurt, and had my pride so much roused, that I kept away from him for a week; and, perhaps, might have kept away much longer, nay, gone to Scotland without seeing him again, had not we fortunately met and been reconciled. To such unhappy chances are human friendships liable. On Friday, May 8, I dined with him at Mr. Langton's. I was reserved and silent, which I suppose he perceived, and might recollect the cause. After dinner when Mr. Langton was called out of the room, and we were by ourselves, he drew his chair near to mine, and said, in a tone of conciliating courtesy, 'Well, how have you done?'  BOSWELL. 'Sir, you have made me very uneasy by your behaviour to me when we were last at Sir Joshua Reynolds's. You know, my dear Sir, no man has a greater respect and affection for you, or would sooner go to the end of the world to serve you. Now to treat me so—.'  He insisted that I had interrupted him, which I assured him was not the case; and proceeded—  'But why treat me so before people who neither love you nor me?'  JOHNSON. 'Well, I am sorry for it. I'll make it up to you twenty different ways, as you please.'  BOSWELL. 'I said to-day to Sir Joshua, when he observed that you tossed me sometimes— I don't care how often, or how high he tosses me, when only friends are present, for then I fall upon soft ground: but I do not like falling on stones, which is the case when enemies are present.— I think this a pretty good image, Sir.'  JOHNSON. 'Sir, it is one of the happiest I have ever heard.' The truth is, there was no venom in the wounds which he inflicted at any time, unless they were irritated by some malignant infusion by other hands. We were instantly as cordial again as ever, and joined in hearty laugh at some ludicrous but innocent peculiarities of one of our friends.  BOSWELL. 'Do you think, Sir, it is always culpable to laugh at a man to his face?'  JOHNSON. 'Why, Sir, that depends upon the man and the thing. If it is a slight man, and a slight thing, you may; for you take nothing valuable from him.' He said, 'I read yesterday Dr. Blair's sermon on Devotion, from the text "Cornelius, a devout man." His doctrine is the best limited, the best expressed: there is the most warmth without fanaticism, the most rational transport. There is one part of it which I disapprove, and I'd have him correct it; which is, that "he who does not feel joy in religion is far from the kingdom of heaven!" There are many good men whose fear of GOD predominates over their love. It may discourage. It was rashly said. A noble sermon it is indeed. I wish Blair would come over to the Church of England.' When Mr . Langton returned to us, the 'flow of talk' went on. An eminent author being mentioned;—  JOHNSON. 'He is not a pleasant man. His conversation is neither instructive nor brilliant. He does not talk as if impelled by any fulness of knowledge or vivacity of imagination. His conversation is like that of any other sensible man. He talks with no wish either to inform or to hear, but only because he thinks it does not become – – to sit in a company and say nothing.' Mr. Langton having repeated the anecdote of Addison having distinguished between his powers in conversation and in writing, by saying 'I have only nine-pence in my pocket; but I can draw for a thousand pounds;'—  JOHNSON. 'He had not that retort ready, Sir; he had prepared it before-hand.'  LANGTON: (turning to me.) 'A fine surmise. Set a thief to catch a thief.' Johnson called the East-Indians barbarians.  BOSWELL. 'You will except the Chinese, Sir?'  JOHNSON. 'No, Sir.'  BOSWELL. 'Have they not arts?'  JOHNSON. 'They have pottery.'  BOSWELL. 'What do you say to the written characters of their language?' JOHNSON. 'Sir, they have not an alphabet. They have not been able to form what all other nations have formed.'  BOSWELL. 'There is more learning in their language than in any other, from the immense number of their characters.'  JOHNSON. 'It is only more difficult from its rudeness; as there is more labour in hewing down a tree with a stone than with an axe.' He said, 'I have been reading Lord Kames's Sketches of the History of Man. In treating of severity of punishment, he mentions that of Madame Lapouchin, in Russia, but he does not give it fairly; for I have looked at Chappe D'Auteroche, from whom he has taken it. He stops where it is said that the spectators thought her innocent, and leaves out what follows; that she nevertheless was guilty. Now this is being as culpable as one can conceive, to misrepresent fact in a book, and for what motive? It is like one of those lies which people tell, one cannot see why. The woman's life was spared; and no punishment was too great for the favourite of an Empress who had conspired to dethrone her mistress.'  BOSWELL. 'He was only giving a picture of the lady in her sufferings.'  JOHNSON. 'Nay, don't endeavour to palliate this. Guilt is a principal feature in the picture. Kames is puzzled with a question that puzzled me when I was a very young man. Why is it that the interest of money is lower, when money is plentiful; for five pounds has the same proportion of value to a hundred pounds when money is plentiful, as when it is scarce? A lady explained it to me. "It is (said she) because when money is plentiful there are so many more who have money to lend, that they bid down one another. Many have then a hundred pounds; and one says,— Take mine rather than another's, and you shall have it at four per cent."'  BOSWELL. 'Does Lord Kames decide the question?'  JOHNSON. 'I think he leaves it as he found it.'  BOSWELL. 'This must have been an extraordinary lady who instructed you, Sir. May I ask who she was?'  JOHNSON. 'Molly Aston, Sir, the sister of those ladies with whom you dined at Lichfield. I shall be at home to-morrow.'  BOSWELL. 'Then let us dine by ourselves at the Mitre, to keep up the old custom, "the custom of the manor," the custom of the mitre.'   JOHNSON. 'Sir, so it shall be.' (classix comix™ is underwritten in part by the Bob’s Bowery Foundation for the Unremunerative Arts: “I should like to apprise our viewers of a delightful new ‘special’ addition to the fall menu at my favorite stopping-place Bob’s Bowery Bar: Bob’s Mom’s Wild Boar Stew, the savory result of Bob’s last hunting trip in the wilds of the Poconos: aged wild boar meat slow-simmered in our basement-brewed bock beer with Mom’s garden vegetables and potatoes, served with your choice of fresh-from-the-oven hot cross buns or crusty groat cakes. Bob bagged a three-hundred pounder this trip, but this special tends to sell out quick, so come early and often!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg: Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live Sundays at 8pm {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: The Rabbi’s Secret, by Helena P.  Stern, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with guest star Theodore Bikel as “Rabbi Joe”.)   part 189