When the Duke of Bedford attacked the ministry as vehemently as he could, for having taken upon them to extend the time for the importation of corn, Lord Chatham, in his first speech in the House of Lords, boldly avowed himself to be an adviser of that measure.
'My colleagues, (said he,) as I was confined by indisposition, did me the signal honour of coming to the bed-side of a sick man, to ask his opinion. But, had they not thus condescended, I should have taken up my bed and walked, in order to have delivered that opinion at the Council-Board.'
Mr. Langton, who was present, mentioned this to Johnson, who observed,
'Now, Sir, we see that he took these words as he found them; without considering, that though the expression in Scripture, take up thy bed and walk, strictly suited the instance of the sick man restored to health and strength, who would of course be supposed to carry his bed with him, it could not be proper in the case of a man who was lying in a state of feebleness, and who certainly would not add to the difficulty of moving at all, that of carrying his bed.'
When I pointed out to him in the newspaper one of Mr. Grattan's animated and glowing speeches, in favour of the freedom of Ireland, in which this expression occurred (I know not if accurately taken):
'We will persevere, till there is not one link of the English chain left to clank upon the rags of the meanest beggar in Ireland;'
'Nay, Sir, (said Johnson,) don't you perceive that one link cannot clank?'
It may be worth remarking, among the minutiae of my collection, that Johnson was once drawn to serve in the militia, the Trained Bands of the City of London, and that Mr. Rackstrow, of the Museum in Fleet-street, was his Colonel. It may be believed he did not serve in person; but the idea, with all its circumstances, is certainly laughable. He upon that occasion provided himself with a musket, and with a sword and belt, which I have seen hanging in his closet.
He was very constant to those whom he once employed, if they gave him no reason to be displeased. When somebody talked of being imposed on in the purchase of tea and sugar, and such articles:
'That will not be the case, (said he,) if you go to a stately shop, as I always do. In such a shop it is not worth their while to take a petty advantage.'
An authour of most anxious and restless vanity being mentioned, 'Sir, (said he,) there is not a young sapling upon Parnassus more severely blown about by every wind of criticism than that poor fellow.'
The difference, he observed, between a well-bred and an ill-bred man is this:
'One immediately attracts your liking, the other your aversion. You love the one till you find reason to hate him; you hate the other till you find reason to love him.'
The wife of one of his acquaintance had fraudulently made a purse for herself out of her husband's fortune. Feeling a proper compunction in her last moments, she confessed how much she had secreted; but before she could tell where it was placed, she was seized with a convulsive fit and expired. Her husband said, he was more hurt by her want of confidence in him, than by the loss of his money.
'I told him, (said Johnson,) that he should console himself: for perhaps the money might be found, and he was sure that his wife was gone.'
He seemed to take a pleasure in speaking in his own style; for when he had carelessly missed it, he would repeat the thought translated into it. Talking of the Comedy of The Rehearsal, he said,
'It has not wit enough to keep it sweet.'
This was easy; he therefore caught himself, and pronounced a more round sentence;
'It has not vitality enough to preserve it from putrefaction.'
He censured a writer of entertaining Travels for assuming a feigned character, saying, 'He carries out one lye; we know not how many he brings back.'
At another time, talking of the same person, he observed, 'Sir, your assent to a man whom you have never known to falsify, is a debt: but after you have known a man to falsify, your assent to him then is a favour.'
When I observed to him that Painting was so far inferiour to Poetry, that the story or even emblem which it communicates must be previously known, and mentioned as a natural and laughable instance of this, that a little Miss on seeing a picture of Justice with the scales, had exclaimed to me, 'See, there's a woman selling sweetmeats;' he said,
'Painting, Sir, can illustrate, but cannot inform.'
No man was more ready to make an apology when he had censured unjustly, than Johnson. When a proof-sheet of one of his works was brought to him, he found fault with the mode in which a part of it was arranged, refused to read it, and in a passion desired that the compositor might be sent to him. The compositor was Mr. Manning, a decent sensible man, who had composed about one half of his Dictionary, when in Mr. Strahan's printing-house; and a great part of his Lives of the Poets, when in that of Mr. Nichols; and who (in his seventy-seventh year), when in Mr. Baldwin's printing-house, composed a part of the first edition of this work concerning him. By producing the manuscript, he at once satisfied Dr. Johnson that he was not to blame. Upon which Johnson candidly and earnestly said to him,
'Mr. Compositor, I ask your pardon. Mr. Compositor, I ask your pardon, again and again.'
His generous humanity to the miserable was almost beyond example. The following instance is well attested:—
Coming home late one night, he found a poor woman lying in the street, so much exhausted that she could not walk; he took her upon his back, and carried her to his house, where he discovered that she was one of those wretched females who had fallen into the lowest state of vice, poverty, and disease. Instead of harshly upbraiding her, he had her taken care of with all tenderness for a long time, at considerable expence, till she was restored to health, and endeavoured to put her into a virtuous way of living.
(classix comix™ is made possible in part through the continuing support of the Bob’s Bowery Bar Fund for Hopelessly Uncommercial Arts & Letters: “My good friends at Bob’s Bowery Bar have asked me to remind our residents of the metropolitan area, as well as any visitors looking for an ‘authentic’ Big Apple experience, that every Wednesday night is Quizzo night at Bob’s, hosted by yours truly and broadcast live on the Dumont radio network. The show starts promptly at 9pm, so get there early if you’d like to participate. This week’s topic: forgotten show tunes! Musical accompaniment by Tony Winston on the upright Steinway. The night’s winner will receive a $25 gift-certificate for Bob’s Bowery Bar, and believe you me, $25 goes a long way in that place!”
– Horace P. Sternwall, host and narrator of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: “An Asylum Is Not a Home”, by Hortense P. Shuttlecock, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest star Audrey Totter.)
part 263
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