Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 234

Edited by Dan Leo, Assistant Professor of 18th Century British Penological Studies, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Hangman’s Beautiful Daughter-in-Law, the Olney Community College Press.

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He said, 'A man should pass a part of his time with the laughers, by which means any thing ridiculous or particular about him might be presented to his view, and corrected.'  I observed, he must have been a bold laugher who would have ventured to tell Dr. Johnson of any of his particularities.  Having observed the vain ostentatious importance of many people in quoting the authority of Dukes and Lords, as having been in their company, he said, he went to the other extreme, and did not mention his authority when he should have done it, had it not been that of a Duke or a Lord.  Dr. Goldsmith said once to Dr. Johnson, that he wished for some additional members to the LITERARY CLUB, to give it an agreeable variety; for (said he,) there can now be nothing new among us: we have travelled over one another's minds.  Johnson seemed a little angry, and said, 'Sir, you have not travelled over my mind, I promise you.'  Sir Joshua, however, thought Goldsmith right; observing, that 'when people have lived a great deal together, they know what each of them will say on every subject. A new understanding, therefore, is desirable; because though it may only furnish the same sense upon a question which would have been furnished by those with whom we are accustomed to live, yet this sense will have a different colouring; and colouring is of much effect in every thing else as well as in painting.' Johnson used to say that he made it a constant rule to talk as well as he could both as to sentiment and expression, by which means, what had been originally effort became familiar and easy. The consequence of this, Sir Joshua observed, was, that his common conversation in all companies was such as to secure him universal attention, as something above the usual colloquial style was expected.  Yet, though Johnson had this habit in company, when another mode was necessary, in order to investigate truth, he could descend to a language intelligible to the meanest capacity. An instance of this was witnessed by Sir Joshua Reynolds, when they were present at an examination of a little blackguard boy, by Mr. Saunders Welch, the late Westminster Justice. Welch, who imagined that he was exalting himself in Dr. Johnson's eyes by using big words, spoke in a manner that was utterly unintelligible to the boy; Dr. Johnson perceiving it, addressed himself to the boy, and changed the pompous phraseology into colloquial language. Sir Joshua Reynolds, who was much amused by this procedure, which seemed a kind of reversing of what might have been expected from the two men, took notice of it to Dr. Johnson, as they walked away by themselves. Johnson said, that it was continually the case; and that he was always obliged to translate the Justice's swelling diction, (smiling,) so as that his meaning might be understood by the vulgar, from whom information was to be obtained. Sir Joshua once observed to him, that he had talked above the capacity of some people with whom they had been in company together.  'No matter, Sir, (said Johnson); they consider it as a compliment to be talked to, as if they were wiser than they are. So true is this, Sir, that Baxter made it a rule in every sermon that he preached, to say something that was above the capacity of his audience.' Johnson's dexterity in retort, when he seemed to be driven to an extremity by his adversary, was very remarkable. Of his power in this respect, our common friend, Mr. Windham, of Norfolk, has been pleased to furnish me with an eminent instance. However unfavourable to Scotland, he uniformly gave liberal praise to George Buchanan {1506–1582, Scottish historian and humanist. – Editor}, as a writer. In a conversation concerning the literary merits of the two countries, in which Buchanan was introduced, a Scotchman, imagining that on this ground he should have an undoubted triumph over him, exclaimed, 'Ah, Dr. Johnson, what would you have said of Buchanan, had he been an Englishman?'  'Why, Sir, (said Johnson, after a little pause,) I should not have said of Buchanan, had he been an Englishman, what I will now say of him as a Scotchman,— that he was the only man of genius his country ever produced.' And this brings to my recollection another instance of the same nature. I once reminded him that when Dr. Adam Smith was expatiating on the beauty of Glasgow, he had cut him short by saying, 'Pray, Sir, have you ever seen Brentford?' and I took the liberty to add, 'My dear Sir, surely that was shocking.'  'Why, then, Sir, (he replied,) YOU have never seen Brentford.' Though his usual phrase for conversation was talk, yet he made a distinction; for when he once told me that he dined the day before at a friend's house, with 'a very pretty company;' and I asked him if there was good conversation, he answered,  'No, Sir; we had talk enough, but no conversation; there was nothing discussed.' Talking of the success of the Scotch in London, he imputed it in a considerable degree to their spirit of nationality. 'You know, Sir, (said he,) that no Scotchman publishes a book, or has a play brought upon the stage, but there are five hundred people ready to applaud him.' Such was his sensibility, and so much was he affected by pathetick poetry, that, when he was reading Dr. Beattie's Hermit in my presence, it brought tears into his eyes.  Mr. Hoole told him, he was born in Moorfields, and had received part of his early instruction in Grub-street.  'Sir, (said Johnson, smiling) you have been regularly educated.'  Having asked who was his instructor, and Mr. Hoole having answered, 'My uncle, Sir, who was a taylor;' Johnson, recollecting himself, said, 'Sir, I knew him; we called him the metaphysical taylor. He was of a club in Old-street, with me and George Psalmanazar, and some others: but pray, Sir, was he a good taylor?'  Mr. Hoole having answered that he believed he was too mathematical, and used to draw squares and triangles on his shop-board, so that he did not excel in the cut of a coat;— 'I am sorry for it (said Johnson,) for I would have every man to be master of his own business.' In pleasant reference to himself and Mr. Hoole, as brother authours, he often said, 'Let you and I, Sir, go together, and eat a beef-steak in Grub-street.' Sir William Chambers, that great Architect, whose works shew a sublimity of genius, and who is esteemed by all who know him for his social, hospitable, and generous qualities, submitted the manuscript of his Chinese Architecture to Dr. Johnson's perusal. Johnson was much pleased with it, and said, 'It wants no addition nor correction, but a few lines of introduction;' which he furnished, and Sir William adopted. He said to Sir William Scott, 'The age is running mad after innovation; all the business of the world is to be done in a new way; men are to be hanged in a new way; Tyburn itself is not safe from the fury of innovation.' {The last public execution at the crossroads in the village of Tyburn (now part of London) took place on Nov. 7, 1783; subsequent executions took place outside Newgate prison. – Editor} It having been argued that this was an improvement,— 'No, Sir, (said he, eagerly,) it is not an improvement: they object that the old method drew together a number of spectators. Sir, executions are intended to draw spectators. If they do not draw spectators they don't answer their purpose. The old method was most satisfactory to all parties; the publick was gratified by a procession; the criminal was supported by it. Why is all this to be swept away?'  I perfectly agree with Dr. Johnson upon this head, and am persuaded that executions now, the solemn procession being discontinued, have not nearly the effect which they formerly had.  (classix comix™ is brought to you by Bob’s Bowery Bar, conveniently located at the northwest corner of Bleecker and the Bowery: “Are you looking for a welcoming place to eat and drink where you won’t have to roll your sleeves up and offer to wash dishes for several hours when you are presented with your check for a burger and beer? Why not go where old Horace goes, to Bob’s Bowery Bar, where a night’s wassail can still be afforded by honest workingman, undiscovered poets and artists, and honest ladies of slender means.” – Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s play: “The Rabbi’s Red Guitar”, by Hubert P. Steinmetz, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with special guest Theodore Bikel. part 235

Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 233

Edited by Dan Leo, Associate Professor of 18th Century British Conversational Studies, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of the Purloined Portrait, the Olney Community College Press.

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On Sunday, March 30, I found him at home in the evening, and had the pleasure to meet with Dr. Brocklesby, whose reading, and knowledge of life, and good spirits, supply him with a never-failing source of conversation. He mentioned a respectable gentleman, who became extremely penurious near the close of his life.  Johnson said there must have been a degree of madness about him.  'Not at all, Sir, (said Dr. Brocklesby,) his judgement was entire.'  Unluckily, however, he mentioned that although he had a fortune of twenty-seven thousand pounds, he denied himself many comforts, from an apprehension that he could not afford them.  'Nay, Sir, (cried Johnson,) when the judgement is so disturbed that a man cannot count, that is pretty well.' I shall here insert a few of Johnson's sayings, without the formality of dates, as they have no reference to any particular time or place. 'The more a man extends and varies his acquaintance the better.'  This, however, was meant with a just restriction; for, he on another occasion said to me,  'Sir, a man may be so much of every thing, that he is nothing of any thing.' 'Raising the wages of day-labourers is wrong; for it does not make them live better, but only makes them idler, and idleness is a very bad thing for human nature.' 'It is a very good custom to keep a journal for a man's own use; he may write upon a card a day all that is necessary to be written, after he has had experience of life. At first there is a great deal to be written, because there is a great deal of novelty; but when once a man has settled his opinions, there is seldom much to be set down.' I praised the accuracy of an account-book of a lady whom I mentioned.  JOHNSON. 'Keeping accounts, Sir, is of no use when a man is spending his own money, and has nobody to whom he is to account. You won't eat less beef to-day, because you have written down what it cost yesterday.'  I mentioned another lady who thought as he did, so that her husband could not get her to keep an account of the expence of the family, as she thought it enough that she never exceeded the sum allowed her.  JOHNSON. 'Sir, it is fit she should keep an account, because her husband wishes it; but I do not see its use.'  I maintained that keeping an account has this advantage, that it satisfies a man that his money has not been lost or stolen, which he might sometimes be apt to imagine, were there no written state of his expence; and beside, a calculation of oeconomy so as not to exceed one's income, cannot be made without a view of the different articles in figures, that one may see how to retrench in some particulars less necessary than others. This he did not attempt to answer. Talking of an acquaintance of ours, whose narratives, which abounded in curious and interesting topicks, were unhappily found to be very fabulous; I mentioned Lord Mansfield's having said to me, 'Suppose we believe one half of what he tells.'  JOHNSON. 'Ay; but we don't know which half to believe. By his lying we lose not only our reverence for him, but all comfort in his conversation.'  BOSWELL. 'May we not take it as amusing fiction?'  JOHNSON. 'Sir, the misfortune is, that you will insensibly believe as much of it as you incline to believe.' It is remarkable, that notwithstanding their congeniality in politicks, he never was acquainted with a late eminent noble judge, whom I have heard speak of him as a writer, with great respect. Johnson, I know not upon what degree of investigation, entertained no exalted opinion of his Lordship's intellectual character. Talking of him to me one day, he said, 'It is wonderful, Sir, with how little real superiority of mind men can make an eminent figure in publick life.'  He expressed himself to the same purpose concerning another law-Lord, who, it seems, once took a fancy to associate with the wits of London; but with so little success, that Foote said,  'What can he mean by coming among us? He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others.'  Trying him by the test of his colloquial powers, Johnson had found him very defective. He once said to Sir Joshua Reynolds, 'This man now has been ten years about town, and has made nothing of it;' meaning as a companion.  He said to me, 'I never heard any thing from him in company that was at all striking; and depend upon it, Sir, it is when you come close to a man in conversation, that you discover what his real abilities are; to make a speech in a publick assembly is a knack. Now I honour Thurlow, Sir; Thurlow is a fine fellow; he fairly puts his mind to yours.' After repeating to him some of his pointed, lively sayings, I said, 'It is a pity, Sir, you don't always remember your own good things, that you may have a laugh when you will.'  JOHNSON. 'Nay, Sir, it is better that I forget them, that I may be reminded of them, and have a laugh on their being brought to my recollection.' When I recalled to him his having said as we sailed up Loch-lomond, 'That if he wore any thing fine, it should be very fine;' I observed that all his thoughts were upon a great scale.  JOHNSON. 'Depend upon it, Sir, every man will have as fine a thing as he can get; as a large diamond for his ring.'  BOSWELL. 'Pardon me, Sir: a man of a narrow mind will not think of it, a slight trinket will satisfy him:          "Ne sufferre queat majoris pondera gemmae."' {'Unable to support a gem of weight.'– From Dryden’s translation of Juvenal’s Satires, i. 29. – Editor} I told him I should send him some Essays which I had written, which I hoped he would be so good as to read, and pick out the good ones.  JOHNSON. 'Nay, Sir, send me only the good ones; don't make me pick them.' I heard him once say, 'Though the proverb Nullum numen abest, si sit prudentia {Divine help will not be denied if we have wisdom}, does not always prove true, we may be certain of the converse of it, Nullum numen adest, si sit imprudentia {There is no divine help if we are unwise}.' As a small proof of his kindliness and delicacy of feeling, the following circumstance may be mentioned: One evening when we were in the street together, and I told him I was going to sup at Mr. Beauclerk's, he said, 'I'll go with you.'  After having walked part of the way, seeming to recollect something, he suddenly stopped and said, 'I cannot go,— but I do not love Beauclerk the less.' On the frame of his portrait, Mr. Beauclerk had inscribed,—          '—— Ingenium ingens            Inculto latet hoc sub corpore.' {'—— Underneath this rude, uncouth disguise/A genius of extensive knowledge lies.' – Horace, Satires, i. 3. 33.} After Mr. Beauclerk's death, when it became Mr. Langton's property, he made the inscription be defaced. Johnson said complacently, 'It was kind in you to take it off;' and then after a short pause, added, 'and not unkind in him to put it on.' He said, 'How few of his friends' houses would a man choose to be at when he is sick.' He mentioned one or two. I recollect only Thrale's. He observed, 'There is a wicked inclination in most people to suppose an old man decayed in his intellects. If a young or middle-aged man, when leaving a company, does not recollect where he laid his hat, it is nothing; but if the same inattention is discovered in an old man, people will shrug up their shoulders, and say, 'His memory is going.' I am very sorry that I did not take a note of an eloquent argument in which he maintained that the situation of Prince of Wales was the happiest of any person's in the kingdom, even beyond that of the Sovereign. I recollect only— the enjoyment of hope,— the high superiority of rank, without the anxious cares of government,— and a great degree of power, both from natural influence wisely used, and from the sanguine expectations of those who look forward to the chance of future favour. Sir Joshua Reynolds communicated to me the following particulars:—  Johnson thought the poems published as translations from Ossian had so little merit, that he said,  'Sir, a man might write such stuff for ever, if he would abandon his mind to it.' (classix comix™ is made possible in part through the generous support of the Bob’s Bowery Bar Endowment for the Unpopular Arts: “I should like to remind our studio and at-home audience to try not to forget to vote this Tuesday – and if civic responsibility or guilt is not enough inducement for you, how’s this? Show up at my favorite ‘stop’ Bob’s Bowery Bar this Tuesday with one of those little ‘I voted’ stickers, and enjoy a drink on the house! Sorry, domestic beers and ‘well’ drinks only, and no ‘doubles’!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. 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Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 232

Edited by Dan Leo, Assistant Professor of 18th Century British Epistemological Studies, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of the Insolent Viscount, the Olney Community College Press.

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Next day, Saturday, March 22, I found him still at Mrs. Thrale's, but he told me that he was to go to his own house in the afternoon. He was better, but I perceived he was but an unruly patient, for Sir Lucas Pepys, who visited him, while I was with him said, 'If you were tractable, Sir, I should prescribe for you.' I related to him a remark which a respectable friend had made to me, upon the then state of Government, when those who had been long in opposition had attained to power, as it was supposed, against the inclination of the Sovereign. 'You need not be uneasy (said this gentleman) about the King. He laughs at them all; he plays them one against another.'  JOHNSON. 'Don't think so, Sir. The King is as much oppressed as a man can be. If he plays them one against another, he wins nothing.' I had paid a visit to General Oglethorpe in the morning, and was told by him that Dr. Johnson saw company on Saturday evenings, and he would meet me at Johnson's that night. When I mentioned this to Johnson, not doubting that it would please him, as he had a great value for Oglethorpe, the fretfulness of his disease unexpectedly shewed itself; his anger suddenly kindled, and he said, with vehemence, 'Did not you tell him not to come? Am I to be hunted in this manner?'  I satisfied him that I could not divine that the visit would not be convenient, and that I certainly could not take it upon me of my own accord to forbid the General. I found Dr. Johnson in the evening in Mrs. Williams's room, at tea and coffee with her and Mrs. Desmoulins, who were also both ill; it was a sad scene, and he was not in very good humour. He said of a performance that had lately come out, 'Sir, if you should search all the madhouses in England, you would not find ten men who would write so, and think it sense.' I was glad when General Oglethorpe's arrival was announced, and we left the ladies. Dr. Johnson attended him in the parlour, and was as courteous as ever. The General said he was busy reading the writers of the middle age. Johnson said they were very curious.  On Sunday, March 23, I breakfasted with Dr. Johnson, who seemed much relieved, having taken opium the night before. He however protested against it, as a remedy that should be given with the utmost reluctance, and only in extreme necessity. I mentioned how commonly it was used in Turkey, and that therefore it could not be so pernicious as he apprehended.  He grew warm and said, 'Turks take opium, and Christians take opium; but Russel, in his Account of Aleppo, tells us, that it is as disgraceful in Turkey to take too much opium, as it is with us to get drunk. Sir, it is amazing how things are exaggerated. A gentleman was lately telling in a company where I was present, that in France as soon as a man of fashion marries, he takes an opera girl into keeping; and this he mentioned as a general custom.  '”Pray, Sir, (said I,) how many opera girls may there be?” He answered, “About fourscore.”  '”Well then, Sir, (said I,) you see there can be no more than fourscore men of fashion who can do this.”' Mrs. Desmoulins made tea; and she and I talked before him upon a topick which he had once borne patiently from me when we were by ourselves,— his not complaining of the world, because he was not called to some great office, nor had attained to great wealth.  He flew into a violent passion, I confess with some justice, and commanded us to have done.  'Nobody, (said he) has a right to talk in this manner, to bring before a man his own character, and the events of his life, when he does not choose it should be done. I never have sought the world; the world was not to seek me. It is rather wonderful that so much has been done for me. All the complaints which are made of the world are unjust. I never knew a man of merit neglected: it was generally by his own fault that he failed of success. A man may hide his head in a hole: he may go into the country, and publish a book now and then, which nobody reads, and then complain he is neglected. There is no reason why any person should exert himself for a man who has written a good book: he has not written it for any individual. I may as well make a present to the postman who brings me a letter. When patronage was limited, an authour expected to find a Maecenas, and complained if he did not find one. Why should he complain? This Maecenas has others as good as he, or others who have got the start of him.'  BOSWELL. 'But surely, Sir, you will allow that there are men of merit at the bar, who never get practice.'  JOHNSON. 'Sir, you are sure that practice is got from an opinion that the person employed deserves it best; so that if a man of merit at the bar does not get practice, it is from errour, not from injustice. He is not neglected. A horse that is brought to market may not be bought, though he is a very good horse: but that is from ignorance, not from intention.' There was in this discourse much novelty, ingenuity, and discrimination, such as is seldom to be found. Yet I cannot help thinking that men of merit, who have no success in life, may be forgiven for lamenting, if they are not allowed to complain. They may consider it as hard that their merit should not have its suitable distinction. Though there is no intentional injustice towards them on the part of the world, their merit not having been perceived, they may yet repine against fortune, or fate, or by whatever name they choose to call the supposed mythological power of Destiny. It has, however, occurred to me, as a consolatory thought, that men of merit should consider thus:-How much harder would it be if the same persons had both all the merit and all the prosperity. Would not this be a miserable distribution for the poor dunces? Would men of merit exchange their intellectual superiority, and the enjoyments arising from it, for external distinction and the pleasures of wealth? If they would not, let them not envy others, who are poor where they are rich, a compensation which is made to them. Let them look inwards and be satisfied. On the subject of the right employment of wealth, Johnson observed, 'A man cannot make a bad use of his money, so far as regards Society, if he does not hoard it; for if he either spends it or lends it out, Society has the benefit. It is in general better to spend money than to give it away; for industry is more promoted by spending money than by giving it away. A man who spends his money is sure he is doing good with it: he is not so sure when he gives it away. A man who spends ten thousand a year will do more good than a man who spends two thousand and gives away eight.' In the evening I came to him again. He was somewhat fretful from his illness. A gentleman asked him, whether he had been abroad to-day.  'Don't talk so childishly, (said he.) You may as well ask if I hanged myself to-day.'  I mentioned politicks.  JOHNSON. 'Sir, I'd as soon have a man to break my bones as talk to me of publick affairs, internal or external. I have lived to see things all as bad as they can be.' Having mentioned his friend the second Lord Southwell, he said, 'Lord Southwell was the highest-bred man without insolence that I ever was in company with; the most qualified I ever saw. Lord Orrery was not dignified: Lord Chesterfield was, but he was insolent. Lord —— is a man of coarse manners, but a man of abilities and information. I don't say he is a man I would set at the head of a nation, though perhaps he may be as good as the next Prime Minister that comes; but he is a man to be at the head of a Club; I don't say our CLUB; for there's no such Club.'  BOSWELL. 'But, Sir, was he not once a factious man?'  JOHNSON. 'O yes, Sir; as factious a fellow as could be found: one who was for sinking us all into the mob.'  BOSWELL. 'How then, Sir, did he get into favour with the King?'  JOHNSON. 'Because, Sir, I suppose he promised the King to do whatever the King pleased.' Soon after this time I had an opportunity of seeing, by means of one of his friends, a proof that his talents, as well as his obliging service to authours, were ready as ever. He had revised The Village, an admirable poem, by the Reverend Mr. Crabbe. Its sentiments as to the false notions of rustick happiness and rustick virtue were quite congenial with his own; and he had taken the trouble not only to suggest slight corrections and variations, but to furnish some lines, when he thought he could give the writer's meaning better than in the words of the manuscript. (classix comix™ is brought to you by Bob’s Bowery Bar, conveniently located to public transportation at the northwest corner of Bleecker and the Bowery: “I should like to remind our studio audience – as well as residents and visitors to the Big Apple – that my favorite ‘stop’ Bob’s Bowery Bar has bowed to popular demand and now serves a tasty selection of vegan items! Allow me to recommend the ‘Garlic Mashed-Potato Burger’, the ‘Red Beans ‘n’ Rice “Faux” Meatloaf’, the ‘Utz’s BBQ Chips ‘n’ Massaged Kale Casserole’, and my personal favorite, ‘Mom’s Tomato Soup with Uneeda Biscuits’! All vegan items are available with meat upon request.” – Horace P. 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Boswell’s Life of Johnson: 231

Edited by Dan Leo, Associate Professor of 18th Century English-Scottish Social Relations, Olney Community College; author of Bozzie and Dr. Sam: The Case of the Scandalous Scotchman, the Olney Community College Press.

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Talking of conversation, he said, 'There must, in the first place, be knowledge, there must be materials; in the second place, there must be a command of words; in the third place, there must be imagination, to place things in such views as they are not commonly seen in; and in the fourth place, there must be presence of mind, and a resolution that is not to be overcome by failures: this last is an essential requisite; for want of it many people do not excel in conversation. Now I want it: I throw up the game upon losing a trick.'  I wondered to hear him talk thus of himself, and said, 'I don't know, Sir, how this may be; but I am sure you beat other people's cards out of their hands.'  I doubt whether he heard this remark. While he went on talking triumphantly, I was fixed in admiration, and said to Mrs. Thrale, 'O, for short-hand to take this down!'  'You'll carry it all in your head; (said she;) a long head is as good as short-hand.' It has been observed and wondered at, that Mr. Charles Fox never talked with any freedom in the presence of Dr. Johnson, though it is well known, and I myself can witness, that his conversation is various, fluent, and exceedingly agreeable. Johnson's own experience, however, of that gentleman's reserve was a sufficient reason for his going on thus:  'Fox never talks in private company; not from any determination not to talk, but because he has not the first motion. A man who is used to the applause of the House of Commons, has no wish for that of a private company. A man accustomed to throw for a thousand pounds, if set down to throw for sixpence, would not be at the pains to count his dice. Burke's talk is the ebullition of his mind; he does not talk from a desire of distinction, but because his mind is full.' He thus curiously characterised one of our old acquaintance:  '—— is a good man, Sir; but he is a vain man and a liar. He, however, only tells lies of vanity; of victories, for instance, in conversation, which never happened.'  This alluded to a story which I had repeated from that gentleman, to entertain Johnson with its wild bravado:  'This Johnson, Sir, (said he,) whom you are all afraid of will shrink, if you come close to him in argument and roar as loud as he. He once maintained the paradox, that there is no beauty but in utility. "Sir, (said I,) what say you to the peacock's tail, which is one of the most beautiful objects in nature, but would have as much utility if its feathers were all of one colour." He felt what I thus produced, and had recourse to his usual expedient, ridicule; exclaiming, "A peacock has a tail, and a fox has a tail;" and then he burst out into a laugh. "Well, Sir, (said I, with a strong voice, looking him full in the face,) you have unkennelled your fox; pursue him if you dare." He had not a word to say, Sir.'  Johnson told me, that this was a fiction from beginning to end. After musing for some time, he said, 'I wonder how I should have any enemies; for I do harm to nobody.'  BOSWELL. 'In the first place, Sir, you will be pleased to recollect, that you set out with attacking the Scotch; so you got a whole nation for your enemies.'  JOHNSON. 'Why, I own, that by my definition of oats {'A grain which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.' – Editor} I meant to vex them.'  BOSWELL. 'Pray, Sir, can you trace the cause of your antipathy to the Scotch.'  JOHNSON. 'I cannot, Sir.'  BOSWELL. 'Old Mr. Sheridan says, it was because they sold Charles the First.'  JOHNSON. 'Then, Sir, old Mr. Sheridan has found out a very good reason.' Surely the most obstinate and sulky nationality, the most determined aversion to this great and good man, must be cured, when he is seen thus playing with one of his prejudices, of which he candidly admitted that he could not tell the reason. It was, however, probably owing to his having had in his view the worst part of the Scottish nation, the needy adventurers, many of whom he thought were advanced above their merits by means which he did not approve. Had he in his early life been in Scotland, and seen the worthy, sensible, independent gentlemen, who live rationally and hospitably at home, he never could have entertained such unfavourable and unjust notions of his fellow-subjects. And accordingly we find, that when he did visit Scotland, in the latter period of his life, he was fully sensible of all that it deserved, as I have already pointed out, when speaking of his Journey to the Western Islands. {Percival Stockdale, in his Memoirs, wrote that he heard a Scottish lady say to Johnson:'I can assure you that in Scotland we give oats to our horses as well as you do to yours in England.' Johnson replied: 'I am very glad, Madam, to find that you treat your horses as well as you treat yourselves.' – Editor} (classix comix™ is underwritten in part through a continuing grant from the Bob’s Bowery Bar Foundation for Belletristic Endeavor: “Is the landlord of your tenement steadfastly refusing to turn on the heat until November first? Brr, I know mine is! So why not throw on your old army-surplus overcoat and make your way to Bob’s Bowery Bar – with its newly repaired steam heat radiators – and order up a warming pint of Bob’s famous ‘Tugboat Grog’: a proprietary blend of aged Royal Navy rum, cloves, jaggery, cinnamon, crystallized ginger and Bob’s Mom’s home-brewed hard cider, served piping hot in a pewter tankard – sorry, no more than four per customer!” – Horace P. Sternwall, host of Bob’s Bowery Bar Presents Philip Morris Commander’s “Blanche Weinberg, Lady Psychiatrist”, broadcast live 8pm Sundays {EST} exclusively on the Dumont Television Network. This week’s presentation: Threnody for a Good-Time Gal”, by Holly Pat Stumpfel, starring Kitty Carlisle as “Dr. Blanche”, with very special guest star Diana Dors as “Trixie”.)   part 232